acceptance

Finding Your “No”

/ oneheart / 4 Comments

Someone said to me a long time ago that you can’t have a true “yes” until you have claimed your “no.” This makes so much sense to me now but at the time I can’t say that I fully understood it.  In my childhood I was definitely a pleaser and always looked for ways not to rock the boat. I really didn’t have an example of how to just say “no,” who did?  It seems to me that no one I knew actually felt entitled to say no so if they did have the courage to put it out there it always had an edge like it needed to be explained or defended in some way. 

What about that force that exists in each of us that either pulls us toward or repels us away that is so natural?  All living beings have it and it’s so simple and pure.  We are drawn toward or repelled away from situations, objects, foods, choices and it can go on and on. You can easily that see that babies and young children always do this quite naturally.  They instinctively  sense what is just arising within them and follow it without worrying so much about how it’s received by the world around them. 

I see this playing out so naturally in my cats for example. They move through the life as they wish without the external pressure of having to be a certain way. We accept them on their own terms and it’s one of the things that all cat owners know and love about their furry friends.  They cannot be controlled nor would a real cat person ever even try. We love them for who they are and all the while we are learning how to put our expectations, attachments and agendas aside. 

Unlike the natural world we are often taught to override our inherent internal navigation system and do the “right” thing.  As a result our pure impulses can be subtle to non existent and burried deep within.  They never completely disappear and we can learn to strengthen those neglected muscles. Our instinctive and intuitive knowing comes forward most easily when we are done looking to the outer world for our direction and we are left with no other option other than to go within.  Our innate  power and wisdom is constantly calling to us and it is there for us when we are ready.

Saying “yes” when you really feel a “no” is no way to live a life and yet so many of us are engaged in life in this way.  Feeling “no” about the work we do, “no” about our social obligations, “no” about what we require of ourselves on a daily basis. Once we begin to observe our real feelings it can seem like we are so far outside ourselves that it’s an impossible journey back to our truth.  The thing that I love about the truth is that is has a resonance not only in you but in the world as well.   Even a hard truth that rings true can be easily and seamlessly received by others.  When you are true to yourself  you are being authentic and you give whose around you the opportunity to really know you, the real you.   You no longer have to hold up the perfect lovable projected image of yourself that is exhausting.  You also give others permission to just be themselves.  Other people feel where you’re coming from and are just more comfortable and relaxed around you knowing that you will tell it like it is.   

So go ahead and give yourself the opportunity to just be yourself try saying “no” when you feel “no” and see how it goes.  I’m not promising that some people won’t resist this change in you but I guarantee you will breathe a sigh of relief, have renewed energy and invigorate your true “yes.”  The perfect gift to yourself this holiday is to just feel more comfortable in your own skin.    

Don’t Worry be Happy…or not…

/ oneheart / 4 Comments

It sounds so simple but it can create a lot pressure to think that you should always be happy!  In fact life is full of suffering, challenges and conflict that we have to learn how to deal with and not think something is wrong when these feelings come along.  

One of my teachers Amoda Maa says we have to accept the messiness of life.  I love this!!  Life is never going to line up with our view of how it should be and when we truly and deeply accept this truth it can be very freeing.  I’m not saying condone things that you feel are horribly wrong but resisting what is happening is also a pointless misuse of energy.  Resisting can cause stress and even more unhappiness.  Where did we ever get the idea that we should always be bright and cheerful?  This mistaken idea can actually contribute greatly to our suffering. 

Sometimes, however, accepting what feels unacceptable can feel like an insurmountable challenge.  There is one question to ask yourself.  Is there something in my power that I can do about this?  If there is then take the action that you feel is appropriate. If there isn’t then you have to accept that this is the world we live in and both the beautiful and ugly coexist side by side.  We have to choose consciously how we wish to be in this imperfect world.  Am I going to let it get the best of me or am I going to learn how to navigate and stay open to it all? Allowing all my feelings to flow freely through me to the best of my ability.  It doesn’t work anyway to try and shut them down or protect against them and only serves to block us physically and energetically.  

I’m not making light of serious physical or emotional abuse when the feelings are strong and destabilizing.  It’s still important not to deny them but working with someone to help you face these things can make all the difference. 

Life is meant to challenge us and force us to grow in ways we would never willingly choose.  When we are forced by circumstance to open to a new way, something outside our comfort zone, it could just be the doorway to liberation that we have stumbled on.  So try not to label your your feelings as either good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable, happy or sad.   Welcome them all. 

Can there really be an end to Karma?

/ oneheart / 2 Comments

“Every situation is a challenge which demands the right response.  When the response is right, the challenge is met and the problem ceases.  If the response is wrong , the challenge is not met and the problem remains unsolved.  Your unsolved problems- is what constitutes your karma.  Solve them rightly and be free.” 

-Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

I love the simplicity of this quote by Nisargadatta Maharaj an Indian sage who lived from 1897-1981.  I have to say it has evoked a rich contemplation for me.  

I’ve  thought long and hard about this and here is what I’ve come up with.  When dealing with challenges or problems two things are needed. 

 1. Come into right relationship with the situation  

 2. Have the right response.  

What does it mean to come into right relationship with a problem or issue?  Basically it comes down to acceptance.  Acceptance of what is.  What that means is non-resistance to the situation or to the feelings that arise about the situation.  

Don’t go into thinking, “oh, why did this happen to me?” and, ‘how did I cause this?” Don’t waste your time and energy trying to figure it out.  Use that energy to accept what is or what has happened.  

Once you have accepted and felt your feelings fully then clarity about the right response can arise.   You may have to slow everything down and give yourself time to do this.   It’s almost like clearing away the clouds so that you can see the sky.   

One more thing just to be clear.  What is right response? It can be an action or a state of mind or being.  A example of this is if someone steps on your foot and it causes you pain the response that is automatic is to pull your foot away and maybe say, “ouch!!”  There is no thinking needed the situation clearly dictated the response.  Every situation has a right response but when we are clouded by doubts, unmet feelings and anger we can’t discern what that is and our natural spontaneity is thwarted.  I know the example about having your foot stepped on seems ultra-simple and many of you might be saying, “of course your response is automatic!”  When you have cleared away the clouds of your personal reactivity and you are not resisting the right response will arise automatically even in complex situations.  You are at a higher vibrations and alignment when you  learn to transcend the personal level and open to what is right and true in the moment.  You become one with your true self which is both the body and mind but also beyond them.  You are a non-physical being or spiritual being that is one with universal knowledge and knowing. That should give you something to ponder!

Developing awareness in this way can help us to take responsibility quickly so that we can respond sooner rather than later and in this way transmute challenges and dissolve karma. Now more than ever as the earth’s vibration rises we are able to dissolve and transmute our karma much more quickly and with greater ease.  

As always, when dealing with highly charged issues be gentle, kind and patient with yourself.

Is lasting change possible?

/ oneheart / 3 Comments

Will lasting change happen as a result of this pandemic?

Several people have asked me this question over the last few weeks.  

Everyone at every stage in life is effected and everyone is experiencing some degree of loss and sufferring.  It is this kind of challenge that spurs the deepest spiritual growth.  It is not something that we would willingly choose because we are pushed outside of our comfort zone.  

We can’t wiggle out of this one.  In other words, there is no way we can change it. It is out of our control.  The situation has to run its course and until it does we will have to find inner resources so that we can get through this.    

If you are in a lot of fear I recommend taking all the  practical steps that you can to help yourself.  Use all the tools at your disposal like unemployment, mortgage assistance and any other program that might be available to you now.  Make sure you have food in your house and other essential supplies and don’t go out if you are vulnerable or dealing with health challenges.  Most importantly ask for help if you need it.  We are all going through this and we are in this together. 

After you have done these things the best thing you can do is take it step by step and day by day.  Don’t get ahead of yourself.  Your mind will always conjure up the worst case scenario.  The hard part about this is that there is no way to fight a projection of your mind.  It isn’t happening now so there is no way to effectively deal with it.  When you are faced with a situation in the moment you will know how to act.  Think about it for a minute.  Have you ever faced an emergency like someone you love getting hurt or a having an accident?  In the moment you jumped into action and many people report that they didn’t think it through they just intuitively knew what to do. 

Eckhart Tolle’ talks a lot about this in his work.  Stay in the now because there is no way to deal with a thought about a possible future problem.  You can only deal with it now.  Then he recommends once you become aware that your thoughts are causing you suffering come into your body and sense your inner energy field.   This brings you quickly and easily into the present moment.  First close your eyes and feel the energy in your hands it might be subtle but with practice you will be able to feel it.  When your eyes are closed you know that you still have hands and you know that you still have a body.  I know it sounds simple but it is an excellent way to take your mind out of troubled thinking and into the present.  It is also a very healing and restorative practice because you powerfully interrupt a negative and draining habit.  

Closing your eyes and feel the energy inside your body.  Practice makes it easy, enjoyable and restorative.

The other thing I want to mention is a concept Pema Chodron talks about a lot in her work called Maitri.  It is a Buddhist term that that means unconditional friendliness towards yourself.   If for some reason you can’t focus on your inner body or it just doesn’t resonate for you try meeting your feelings differently.  We don’t know why you are having theses strong fearful or anxiety provoking thoughts and feelings but meet them with love as if it were a young child coming to you for comfort.  It’s amazing how quickly this can quiet the internal storm.   No matter what you are thinking or feeling imagine you are hearing this story from someone that you dearly love and show that same love, understanding and acceptance to yourself.  This is a practice that reaps immediate rewards because you let go of the internal fight. You can’t have a tug of war if no one is on the other side tugging back.  

I love the idea of unconditional friendliness towards ourselves.  We rarely treat ourselves with such compassion and yet we require ourselves to meet others this way.  This becomes truly possible and less effortful when we practice Maitri.  When we can bear our own suffering we are more able to bear the suffering of others and the world and this is how change takes root.